My dear friend’s sinking feeling that “they are so alive, and I am not”, and the thought that, “I’m on the outside” – they are all stories, and have very little to do with is truly present in the moment. I'll say more about stories in a sec...
The truth that I know about my friend, is that he dreams about being fully alive, he yearns for a purpose, and he desires love and connection. All his yearning is potently ALIVE, and he is far from being dead inside. I can also tell you, someone looking at his life from the outside might be envious of his life, and perceive it as very full and rich... It's all perspective, and it's all in the mind.
The mind relentlessly seeks to resolve your inner turmoil.
It’s when we let go of the grasp of trying to understand, and simply drop into allowing ourselves to feel what is actually happening, that we allow life to live through us.
You may wish to feel full and vibrant, but you feel differently, and you try to change what is happening and push away the disturbing feelings, you try to fix or transform or meditate them away. But then you get mad, frustrated, and amplify your anxiety and deepen your depression anyways, because you STILL FEEL LIKE SHIT, even though you TRY SO HARD to fix your feelings. The places within you that seek a loving embrace haven't been met yet, and they won't disappear until they receive your warm and loving attention.
Hey! Listen to this. There is nothing wrong with you, so let go of trying to fix anything. Feel that which is there. When you move into being with the active experience that is happening, even if that is the yearning for something different, you are feeling and experiencing THAT YEARNING rather than planning how to escape feeling that way. That is being with what is.
Freedom can only reveal itself from inside the experience.
There is a scary void beyond your mind’s thinking, can you feel (or remotely sense) this void place? It might feel like the empty thing you hate and expend tremendous energy to avoid. The void is terrifying! There’s nothing to hold onto, it’s groundless. But often, before you can find new ground, you need to allow groundlessness, a truly open and creative space where life can bring in what’s next, and what is alive.
The stories won't stop. But you can become aware of them. Anything that is a pull or a push from experiencing the moment is a story. Grasping to create an answer in something, is a story. There is no resolution in life, only the open creative aliveness that is in constant motion. Live the questions, rather than seeking the answers.
What are your tethers that keep you from experiencing your feelings as they arise? If you are ready, let the tethers go and hold yourself in your own embrace in the groundless place, and allow that which arises organically within you to find it’s place back home in your heart.